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                  “買完學區房,兒子把我殺了”

                  來源:格言大全-yespu.com 日期:2019-03-28 12:42:27 分類:家庭教育 閱讀:

                  “買完學區房,兒子把我殺了”

                    文/才華木君

                    1

                    2018年的最后一天,湖南衡陽發生了一件慘案。

                    一個13歲的男孩把手中的羊角錘揮向了爸媽,最終雙親不治而亡。而這場悲劇的導火索竟然只是因為男孩被父母說了一頓。

                    后來有新聞報道,男孩的家庭很特殊,媽媽是先天弱智,不能出去工作,只能在家看孩子、做家務,家里還有一個姐姐,智力也有問題,原本已經幾年前已經出嫁了,又因為精神問題被退婚。

                    爸爸一個人在外打工,靠木工手藝養活一家四口,蓋了個二層小樓,可一臺老舊電視,一臺舊冰箱,就是家里唯一的電器。

                    這個家里,爸爸是眼前唯一的指望,而兒子是未來希望

                    自從兒子小羅出生,爸爸把思都放在兒子身上。

                    小羅六年級起,就不再住校了,爸爸每天接他放學,還給他買過一臺大屏學習機,被他帶到學校偷偷打游戲。

                    初二時,小羅從大山中學轉到了鎮上的一所新建的民辦學校,每年學費七八千,是大山的10倍。去年底,為了孩子上學,羅爸爸還在鎮上按揭買了套商品房,每平米均價超過5000。

                    但是,孩子的頑劣表現和青春期的叛逆似乎和父親預想中的相去甚遠,去網吧里游戲,出手闊綽地給班里的人買零食、雇人打架,錢不夠就偷家里的。

                    溺、驕縱、期待失望,零零碎碎拼湊出這個家庭的全貌。最終,爸爸的付出換來的是一場悲劇。

                    這樣的故事其實不止在新聞里,每個人身邊都有這樣的家庭,父母傾其所有,想為孩子的未來鋪路,可諷刺的是恰恰是這種毫無節制的付出,毀掉了孩子的前途

                    2

                    不久前,和表姐吃飯,她又說起,孩子暑假的開銷特別大,自己攢了小半年的錢,再加上年終獎都湊不夠夏令營的錢。

                    表姐是全職媽媽,姐夫是普通白領,兩個人學歷不高,但吃耐勞,雖然沒做成大事業,但在北京也有了自己的立足之地。全家每個月的收入都花在孩子身上,名牌衣服,最新款蘋果手機,每年暑假寒假都得來一趟出境游,表姐總說,自己吃過的苦,不能再讓孩子嘗。

                    上個月哭著喊著要和出國參加夏令營,好幾萬的費用,愁壞了表姐。本以為姐夫會制止她,沒想到,每天下班開順風車,給兒子攢錢。

                    可孩子絲毫不理解父母的不容易,唯一給父母好臉色的時候,就是伸手要東西。

                    我問表姐,能不能給孩子少花點錢。

                    表姐說:小時候吃過的苦,不想讓孩子再吃一次。

                    于是,我就懂了,其實她不是在給孩子花錢,是在補償自己。小時候的遺憾,不能讓孩子留下。小時候沒得到的東西,孩子必須有。所以,自己多都無所謂,絕對不能窮孩子。

                    這大概也是為什么那么多窮人家能養出不懂事的“富二代”。

                    而這樣的孩子,根本接受不了生活里的半點不順心,正如心理學家菲利普·格蘭貝爾形容的那樣:“可是如果太溺愛,孩子就會覺得整個世界都必須在我的腳下。”

                    可是,這樣的孩子走進社會后果不堪設想。

                    3

                    武志紅老師曾經講過一個概念:全能自戀。說的是嬰兒一出生,就活在一種感覺里,仿佛宇宙是他創造的,他是神,萬事萬物都得按照他的意愿來展現,所以,一餓就應該被滿足,因為整個宇宙都是自己的。

                    正常人會在成年明白世界不會圍著自己轉,但有些人卻沒能從心理上長大

                    新浪熱搜上曾經有個新聞,一個22歲的留學2年敗光家里200萬。

                    男孩很小的時候父母就離婚了,和奶奶一起生活,從小性格孤僻。媽媽一心想把孩子培養成才,高中時就把孩子送出國,沒想到,輟學回國,每天躲在家里打游戲。

                    記者采訪的時候,一個22歲的大男人依舊躺在床上玩手機,而白發蒼蒼的奶奶端著飯碗正喂他吃飯。

                    奶奶說,孩子從小就不愛吃飯,家人要把飯端到他嘴邊,才愿意吃。而說這話時,奶奶絲毫沒有覺得不妥。

                    其實,孩子為什么不愿意走出家門,一點也不難理解,在家里,他是手心里的寶,可在社會眼里,卻沒人會把他當回事

                    父母的付出,阻礙了孩子的成長。在他們本該承受挫折年紀,過得安逸

                    可是,父母總有一天要離開孩子,今天你不教育明天社會就會替你教育。到那時,再怎么懊悔也于事無補了。

                    4

                    英國心理學家西爾維婭.克萊爾說:這個世界上所有的愛都以聚合為最終目的,只有一種愛以分離為目的,那就是父母對孩子的愛。

                    有見識的父母,從來不有求必應。

                    去年,一個杭州媽媽給兒子的信刷爆朋友圈,故事的起源是26歲的兒子想讓父母幫忙出錢買房。

                    男孩眼看著身邊的朋友都買了房子,心想自己上也要有結婚的困擾,也想有一套屬于自己的房子。

                    父母幫孩子買房,太普遍,以致于他絲毫沒覺得父母會有意見,畢竟家里也不差錢,可沒想到卻被媽媽果斷拒絕了。

                    媽媽給他寫了一封信,告訴兒子,想要的東西,你得自己拿,不能總像小孩子一樣,一張嘴就什么都有。

                    皮克斯曾經拍過一個短片《鷸》,得了第89屆奧斯卡最佳動畫短片獎。片中講述了一個成長和愛的故事。

                    起初,小鷸在大海面前瑟瑟發抖,卻一次次地被媽媽無情驅趕,被兇殘的海浪迎頭痛擊,經歷了崩潰、退縮、絕望,終于學會了獨自覓食。

                    導演巴利拉羅說,他用了五年時間,寫出這個故事,這只小鷸其實就是我們的孩子,作為三個孩子的爸爸,他更希望父母們明白,讓孩子去長大,去犯錯,而不是總想把他們護在身后。

                    我從不否認父母對孩子的愛有多深沉,可是無條件的付出,卻會折斷孩子的翅膀。曾經聽過一句扎心的話,父母替孩子扛下一切,卻希望他們有一天能抗住天下。

                    孩子是父母生命的延續,卻也是一個獨立的個體。總有一天,他要獨自面對生活的腥風血雨。

                    父母愛孩子是本能,但是如何讓這份愛不過度,不僅是一門學問,更是一種能力

                    愿每一位父母都能敬畏教育,學會愛,不要讓付出感綁架自己,壓垮我們的孩子。

                  X

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