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                  所有的焦慮都不離奇,因為你信奉成功

                  來源:格言大全-yespu.com 日期:2019-03-28 12:42:33 分類:家庭教育 閱讀:

                  所有的焦慮都不離奇,因為你信奉成功

                    文/陳方

                    孩子們在小區里你追我趕,嘻嘻哈哈。返校歸來,他們的寒假生活真正開始了。

                    二年級的孩子,期末考試成績如何,老師并未公布,班里的孩子都領到了獎狀,只是獎項名號各不相同。一年級的孩子更是得意,這次期末連考試都沒有,只了闖關游戲。

                    這一切和去年大不相同,去年一年級期末返校時,老師不但公布了分數還發了試卷,家長們難掩好奇,總會忍不住問問,“你家娃考了多少分啊?”

                    后來,小區里的一位小朋友還把這樣的場景寫到了日記中,“期末我考了兩個100分,我媽媽就像麻雀似的,嘰嘰喳喳,在小區里見到別的小朋友,都要問問人家有沒有考雙百。”

                    今年絕不會出現這樣的場景了。不光是兒子所在的小學沒有公布分數,我生活的這座城市,很多小學今年都沒有像往常那樣公布分數。

                    可憐了我的朋友圈,竟然沒有家長去轉發那篇據說非常火的學生作文《我的愿望》:

                    “上過年了,請做個招人待見的叔叔阿姨,別逮個小朋友就問考了多少分?在班里第幾名?我們問你工資多少了嗎?幾套房了嗎?換車了嗎?要二胎了嗎?文明你我他,幸福中國年。”

                    即便不公布成績,但孩子們的學習可能并不輕松。就以筆者所在的河北為例,最近幾年,高考的河北高分考生實在太離譜,正常的學習狀態壓根夠不著那樣的分數。不說備戰高考的“超級中學”,就說本市有名的初中,成績拔尖的學生據說都是晚上12點睡覺早晨6點前起床,初一初二的學生,睡眠時間不足6個小時,分秒必爭的學習節奏絲毫不夸張。

                    在這樣的環境里,你要想登上成績金字塔尖,就要付出非常人般的努力。也常常聽身邊的家長抱怨:就是因為咱們身邊有這些“變態”的老師和學生,我們這些正常學習的孩子才永遠出不了好成績。

                    也有頓悟的。

                    在中學重點班煎熬了不到兩年,T還是把孩子送出了國;

                    M家的孩子去年成功考入了一初中重點班,現在也準備逃離”到其他城市去;

                    Y兩年前辭職做了全職媽媽,本想著一一意把孩子培養成“學霸”,但最近也轉移方向,她認為“學霸”都是天生的,還是把孩子培養成一個“有趣的懂生活”的人吧;

                    J更有意思,他堅決反對讓剛上二年級的孩子參與各種競爭,在他看來,孩子年幼時就推著他參與競爭,孩子的注意力勢必會被轉移到各種“比”的事情上,這么小的年紀,本應該“向內”自我積攢能量,競爭帶來的焦慮會消耗孩子的精力內心變得越來越羸弱,家長卻渾然不知,還在為孩子的小格局里的優秀沾沾自喜,這算不算是一種悲哀

                    接觸的家長越多,你會發現身邊還是存在“開明”的家長的,只是他們不善于或者不屑于在朋友圈里刷存在感,他們對“優秀”的定義更寬泛,也沒有把“優秀”和“平凡”絕對化。

                    這些家長不會對“北大碩士送外賣”、“法學畢業生賣果”這樣的新聞咋舌,他們大體懂得“去過高處便有了選擇自由”,這里的“高處”并非外在生活的體面,而是內在生活的自洽。

                    前不久中國青年報社社會調查中心聯合問卷網,對1863名家長進行的一項調查顯示,72。6%的受訪家長能接受孩子的平凡。調查樣本不夠大,但多多少少也能表明,在龐大的家長焦慮群體中還是有“穩定因素”的。

                    “不穩定”是常態。看看朋友圈里家長們曬的娃大致有兩種,“別人家的孩子”都是來報恩的,“自己家的娃”卻是來討債的。

                    有意思的是,口口聲聲抱怨“自家娃討債”的那些父母們,在看到“成績不好的孩子是來報恩的,因為讀書特別好的孩子將來都出了國,父母和孩子見面只能靠視頻;讀書沒資質,到我們老了可以常伴左右,今天載父母吃牛肉明天帶父母吃鮮”的段子時,又拼命轉發點贊。難道說這僅僅是阿Q式的精神自慰?不盡然,這確實是現實的一種。報恩或討債,要看你用什么眼光看。

                    只是在孩子教育問題上,很少有家長能篤定自若。總之,太多人,生來便是平凡的命,卻染上了不愿將就的病。

                    至少在當下,恐怕沒有什么藥能緩解很多家長的教育焦慮,因為我們這一代人大都信奉“只有成功才能獲取更好的社會資源”,還沒能享受到“內心自洽”的生活,又哪有資格能力去指導孩子們有一個“有趣”的未來

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